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Monthly Archives: November 2009

kitty’s chasing the cursor

and the feet at the bottom of the bed.

pause for a slow blink

before a superman jump

upon the shadows running beneath the covers.

 

but somehow we keep getting further away

from figuring it out.

the perfume on the wrist of this home

is banana bread, and wheat bread,

and rice & beans, and brown butter salted rice krispie treats.

the hum in the head of these old bricks

is the dog chasing the cat

then sitting by the door waiting to see if i am a big enough sucker to let him out

again

only to race cars driving by across the front yard.

the life blood in the veins of these painted walls

is spinning in four uncoordinated circles

jumping onto the couch

running back across the living room.

(the cat is still faster)

and we begin again.

and i am a sucker

“Her body moved with the frankness that comes from solitary habits.  But solitude is only a human presumption.  Every quiet step is thunder to beetle life underfoot; every choice is a world made new for the chosen.  All secrets are witnessed.”

(Prodigal Summer- Barbara Kingsolver)

oh, what chaos have i inflicted upon the world?

without noticing

or meaning.

how perfectly we all play

this little game

of ring around the rosy.

(ashes, ashes, we all fall down)

i don’t know how to make things right

or better

or bearable.

i don’t know how to shoulder the burden

or carry tears

or protect hearts.

i don’t know what the end will be

or can be

or should be.

i don’t know the pain that makes your life a living hell

or will i pretend

or understand.

i don’t know where you need me to be

or in what capacity

or mindset.

i don’t know a lot other than you hurt

to your very core.

i don’t have much of anything helpful to say other than i love you.

and i do love you- and will love you

until the end

through each tear rolling down your cheek

through each breath missed in your chest

through each question without any possible way to answer it.

no matter where you come out

what “other end” you find,

i will wait.

i will wait in love- because that is all i know how to do

and all that is in my power to do.

 

know

(really, truly know)

you are loved.  deeply.

the hum in my brain is a buzz

a straight line-

finished.

done.

i am thankful that i have learned to hear children laughing

(really laughing- in its rawest form)

i am thankful that my bed is overcrowded

(from this i am kept warm)

i am thankful there is singing in my home

(my back lets go of every ounce of tension brought by the day)

i am thankful my family has grown

(my family is my world)

i am thankful for the tomatoes that rotted on the front lawn

(perhaps they will bring plants come summertime)

i am thankful my daddy calls me on his way to lunch

(it reminds me that i will always be his little girl)

i am thankful for sunday school in fourth grade

(when i saved my church money all year to get a camera)

i am thankful for tears

(the taste of their salt reminds me i am alive)

i am thankful for granddad playing catch with me

(and pacing back and forth with my father)

i am thankful there is always a dish in the sink

(because it means that someone had a meal in our home)

i am thankful the cardinals find rest in the holly tree

(for in their red is my mother)

i am thankful for wet naps

(simply because they make tucker so happy)

i am thankful for two boys i have the privilege of watching grow

(even on days i am at my wits end)

i am thankful for a terrible picture of me with a broken humorous, hair the victim of braids the night before, and big front teeth

(because in it with me is the best teacher i ever had)

i am thankful for mashed potatoes

(        joy          )

i am thankful for the speeding ticket(s) i got when i was 22

(a little perspective was needed around that point)

i am thankful for yellow

(i will wear it to stand next to my sister in july)

i am thankful for my husband who tells me every day that he loves me

(little words fill my heart)

i am thankful for the life i have been given

(this life: and nothing more)

thank you Lord.